Values Excavation
Find what actually matters — not what should.
Most people can list their values without much effort. Ambition. Family. Integrity. Growth.
The problem is that stated values and operative values are often different things. Stated values are what we believe we stand for. Operative values are what actually drives decisions when resources are limited and things get hard — what we protect, what we sacrifice, what we can't seem to stop doing even when we've decided to stop.
This exercise finds the second list.
Preparation
Take a notebook or open a blank document. Set aside time when you won't be interrupted. These questions work best written — not thought through — because writing slows you down enough to catch what you'd normally skip past.
Peak Moments
Think of three moments in your professional life when things felt genuinely right — not "successful" in an external sense, but deeply satisfying. Moments where you were fully yourself. For each one, write: • What was happening? • What were you doing? • Who was involved? • What made it feel the way it did? Now ask: what was being honored in each of these moments? Don't reach for abstract nouns yet — describe the feeling first. The value is underneath it.
Suppressed Values — The Frustration Test
Think of a recent situation where you felt genuinely frustrated, irritated, or quietly resentful. Not a complaint — a specific moment. Now flip it: the emotion you felt is pointing at something that wasn't being honored. Frustration at being micromanaged → a value of autonomy. Resentment at being overlooked → a value of recognition or fairness. Irritation at slow, consensus-driven processes → a value of decisiveness. Ask: what value was being violated in that moment? Repeat with one or two more frustrations.
Must-Haves
Answer slowly: What, beyond basic needs, must you have in your work for it to feel worth doing? Not "nice to have." Must. As in: without this, part of me disappears. Write at least five things. Then force-rank them — if you could only keep three, which three?
The Reveal
List the values that appeared most consistently across the three steps. You're looking for: • Themes that came up in more than one step • Values that appeared in peak moments AND in frustrations (they often match — what you love and what infuriates you point to the same thing) • Anything that surprised you Now answer honestly: 1. Which of these values am I actively honoring in my current role? 2. Which am I regularly compromising — and what does that cost? 3. Is there a value on this list that I've been treating as secondary that is actually central?
The Gap
Pick the one value that appeared most strongly — the one you'd be least willing to give up. Ask: On a scale of 1–10, how consistently am I honoring this value right now? If the number is below 7: what is getting in the way? Is it structural (the role doesn't allow for it), or behavioral (I'm not choosing it)?
Reflection
- 1What surprised you most in this exercise?
- 2What have you been calling a "preference" that is actually a non-negotiable?
- 3What would change if you made decisions — about projects, roles, relationships — using the values you found in Step 3 rather than the values you'd usually state?
When values are clear, decisions get easier. When they're blurry, everything requires more energy than it should.
Take This Further
Values work is most useful when it informs real decisions. These formats help you do that.
Coaching Session · 125 EUR · 60–90 min
Bring exactly this into a live coaching session. One specific thing — worked on properly, not just talked about.
The Reboot · 12-week program
If this connects to a pattern that keeps recurring in different forms — in decisions, work, or identity — that's the level The Reboot works at.